ctrl_zzzz

So apparently everyone thought my drawing for figure drawing class was really good?
We had a huge critique day that went 30 minutes past class.
And people actually liked how I left the hands as a scribble. That was when I was getting sick of it.
hahah wtf.
Arlene wants to have the drawing to show during an open house.

Peter Hoss said "If every foundation student drew like you, we'd have a really great program here."  ha. WELL THEN... isn't that something. ahem. :|


Someone just signed onto AIM under Chris's screen name and pretended to be him and said "I'm in the Doble lounge!"
wtf? Just WHY?
Be better at lying, and maybe actually be funny. Fail.

This weekend: MFA, game night, etc etc we'll see.
Next weekend: Massive amounts of sushi. :o

You are the most annoying person, it's amazing.

I want to go home now.
Obviously by "home," I mean Cambridge.

I think I get to leave Thursday. Maybe.

If hell exists, I imagine it as having to go grocery shopping every day. And if i'm especially bad, from a list made up by my mom.

There's peapod.com, my willing aunt (invented in 1947, not even that modern!), snowplows, etc. All wonderful things.


But my mom chooses to ignore obvious, awesome solutions like this all the time and impose hard, unnecessary ways of doing things on me.


Come on mom, I know a lot of things you do and think follow an 1800s mentality, but can you give it a rest at least for this? At least the internet, cute aunties and snowplows don't make baby Jesus cry like the things I do!

Why does Raynham suck so much that we're like the only town in the world without trash pick-up?
Whenever I say to a non-Raynhamite "hey bblz, I have to go to the dump/landfill now" they're like "UM WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT".
WHAT A COOL PLACE THIS IS.

In lighter news...
my mom has said for a while that she would seriously consider getting a cat if I wasn't allergic to them. And I'd always assumed that the almost-hypoallergenic breeds are all awkward looking shorthairs or sphynxes. :x
BUT LAST NIGHT I FOUND THIS:



It is believed that the  Siberian Cat produces less allergens than other breeds. The average cat produces 63,000 micrograms of Fel-Dh1, it is estimated that the female Siberian produces approximately 200 micrograms of Fel-Dh1 per gram.


:o DAWW KITTYYYY. <3
I looked up a ton of stuff about the breed and my mom seems quite pleased.  :D
I'm definitely a dog person, but I still like cats with nice temperaments. We can't have a dog with our schedule, since they require way more work and attention. Andwearesodeprivedofpets. D: !!
It still isn't 100% guaranteed that I wouldn't be allergic. Although some breeders send out fur samples, and many obviously let you play with their kitties for a while to test it out. :D

... also, my mom needs a cat or something for when I'm at college. She's way too lonely in this house. Augh. D:

Art of the Western World I Honors:   B+

Foundation Seminar I/Lecture:    B+

Drawing Intensive:   A-

Visual Thinking:   A-



I have two more grades that need to come in, but I already pretty much know what they are.
I'm missing the Dean's List by so little. That would've been $30,000 handed over to me. That's my mom's yearly salary (just kidding, $28,000).
Especially thanks to my loser of a conceptual development teacher who gave us terrible assignments and gave the whole class a blanket grade of a B, since he forgot that grades exist.


EDIT:
Intro to Psych:   A
I was not expecting any higher than an A- at all. I must've done a really good job on my paper. :o
That brings me to a 3.58 and if things get rounded up (which they should), I'll make it on the List. :D !!!
Jeez I really hope this info I got was accurate. :x
ps, lawl my Conceptual Development teacher missed the grade deadline and will probably never remember.

I like how I didn't get sick all semester. Not even once. My roommate got sick several times. Chris got sick and I didn't catch it from him. I did nothing to avoid it either because I love him too much and he's way too cuddle-inducing. :D

No, this is not a post to say " WELL GO FIGURE, I GET HOME AND I'M FINALLY SICK."

Nope, still not.

Wasn't this supposed to be the unhealthiest and most stressful time of my life so far?
MAYBE I HAVE TURNED INTO A SUPERHUMAN IMMUNE TO ALL THINGS.

Ohmygod she still reads my livejournal. D: AWK.

Ohfuckasdfdssdf cleaning this house is crazy. Especially organizing this room. My rich, fancy grandpa is coming to my graduation and seeing this house for the first time (lol, the Nickous), so you know, it has to look good.

Then my grad party for friends is June 29th. All those  "invite or not" decisions were so awkward. And so is this hodge podge of guests I have coming... <3 my social ties! It'll be fantastic at the same time.

I went out to get a dress for senior banquet on Sunday, and came back with three. Asdkslnfs after-prom clearance holy shit. I has a pretty banquet dress and other nice things now.

I'm getting mah hurr cut on Wednesday I think.


I like how my only final was first thing in the morning on a Friday. And it was terrible, but I got to make my essay funny (basically make up a person's life up to age 25 from a sociological standpoint) and I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING ANYWAY :D! Also, it is scaled, and all the great, smart students who get A's in sociology were exempt... so I will probably get the highest grade (I get A's on the tests... I'm special, I'm an intelligent fuck-up) and it'll be great.

After, I went to the art room and helped Henry carry his artwork out to his car, then trekked through the field to Britty's house, into her backyard (lolll creepyyy). She answered the door and was all dumpy and sleepy and like "Hi Janellle errgghhgmmbblrrrhmmm uuhhh deerrruuhhh" for about an hour maybe.
Then we went out and had the most amazing Belgian waffles ever (melty chocolate chips and whipped cream, asdfknsn omfg I came). I got an application at a hair salon on her behalf after we sat there in the car forever, trying to prepare her for a social encounter... because she is literally neurotic. c:
After that we went back to her house and amused ourselves with love notes, a kitty, and old yearbooks.
Also we keep talking on the phone now about life and drama. Aw, special. <3

I'm going to a grad party or two every weekend for the next month. This is good, I need things to do.

I want to do a futureme.org e-mail but it would probably end up looking something like this:

 "HEY MAN WHAT THE FUCK IT'S BEEN A FEW YEARS I SURE DO HOPE YOU'RE NOT AS MUCH OF A FUCK UP THESE DAYS. HAVE YOU KILLED YOURSELF, WHO KNOWS MAYBE YOU HAVE BY NOW AND YOU WON'T EVEN SEE THIS. I REALLY HOPE YOU'VE DATED OR AT LEAST GOTTEN LAID (OMG FOR REAL? WHAT YA RITE), BECOME OBNOXIOUSLY ARTSY, GOTTEN A LIFE, BECOME AWESOMELY CREATIVE, GOTTEN HOPELESSLY HIGH AND DRUNK, AND NOT OBTAINED ANY STDS. :D LOVE, YOURSELF: THE LAME PUSSY FROM THE PAST COMING BACK TO HAUNT YOU. <3"
Lolol.

Fucking things up and driving people away feels aweesommeee. Especially when there's a third party getting the good end of it, that's what really makes it.

I have so much tension and resentment with my mom lately. She's a self-righteous, arrogant, angry bitch with a completely warped sense of the world around her. In addition, her brain is rotting and losing common sense and logic, so whatever little credibility she could have left is gone. Her craziness is getting completely out of hand, because she can't stand that I'm inevitable going off to college, soon (and while I'm there, I don't think I could go a single day without doing something she considers wrong). If she thinks it, it's automatically right. She twists normal teenager things into terrible, sick things, and believes the whole world over has the same terrible impressions over things that normal society doesn't look twice at (like a girl hanging out with guys).

I can never fucking suggest or ask to do anything without her going on a completely irrational rant to find something dangerous or incorrect about it. Every time she speaks about something involving me or anything I can relate to, all I can think about is how full of shit she is, and I snap at her. I have no respect for this woman. I don't even try to do anything anymore, because I have no energy to listen to her angry criticism and disapproval. A while ago she was yelling at me about how I'm absolutely nothing like her, and how it makes no sense because she raised me. It was the best and most meaningful compliment I've gotten in a long time. I keep thinking about it, and how lucky I am to have the identity I have regardless of the home I grew up in. I really am alone in this house. Maybe this is why family's never been that important to me.

I've been talking to people who are going to AIB next year (on facebook... lol creeeps). Orientation is june 23-24. There's a few pretty neat people so far. It's kind of confusing keeping track of all this new future social life, but I'm not speaking to any guys unless they're blatantly unattractive or gay, so that should narrow things down a bit.

AP Art AP Bio English project Sociology project what the fuck, what the fuck.

I want to do something immensely stupid either this weekend or next, and let go of everything. After prom party?

Mentioning prom, I spent a lot of money on pointlessly looking good, ooops. :x $78 on make-up alone anyone? Oh god. Also, I thought I lost my $45 invitation for a day, and being the only one without a date caused my table (ten seats, one seat left) stress and confusion. But then Kei joined in, so problem solved.

Today in sociology we made a list of the 20 things over the course of our whole lives that we do that make us happy. Then we categorized it all: if it costs over $10, if it requires planning, if we like it alone or with other people, if we would've said it as a freshman (I had "no" for ten), if it's intimate, if it's risky, etc. And we picked our top five. It was weird.

Maybe I should get this off my chest.
Every day the pressure builds up, and right now I feel like I'm going against a timer, counting down.
I don't want any regrets.

I don't want to have to look back on this and think of what could've been.

Although either way I go with this, I'm most likely going to lose.

Anyway, today might offer good distractions.
Other than that. Today so far has been a riot. My mom keeps having shit fits whenever I ask to go anywhere. She's losing her mind lately (because of college soon... not that I'm giving her an excuse). Okay story time!

1.  I ask to go to Henry's cafe. It's a pretty small cafe, sushi tasting tonight, I might sit around and chill for a few hours. My mom's response to that? A concern about how I would look. Sitting around a cafe doing nothing for several hours looks suspicious because... people will think I'm a prostitute waiting for clients.

2.

janellehatesyou: anyway henry doesn't know where i live so i was discussing him picking me up
janellehatesyou: henry said josh might come, and josh knows corinne's house, so it would help
janellehatesyou: so i told my mom that
janellehatesyou: but i didn't mention josh, i just said "uh another friend who's friends with corinne"
janellehatesyou: and she was like "IT'S NOT A GUY IS IT"
janellehatesyou: oh god she started talking about the horrors of hanging out with all guys
janellehatesyou: ...she said it looks bad
janellehatesyou: and that it looks like
janellehatesyou: they are my... pimps
janellehatesyou: and that uh i'll get gang raped
Rhiannon: ....
janellehatesyou: "WELL I HOPE HENRY LOVES YOU AS MUCH AS YOU LOVE HIM THEN. :| "
Rhiannon: ............ lol what.
Rhiannon: what
janellehatesyou: ...rofl that doesn't even make sense logically
janellehatesyou: there is one pimp
janellehatesyou: singular
janellehatesyou: and multiple whores
janellehatesyou: plural
janellehatesyou: k
Rhiannon: Unless you're pimping some manwhores out to.. :c bridgewater closet homosexuals
janellehatesyou: roofflll
janellehatesyou: oh and i said something like
janellehatesyou: "...lol or they could just think i'm a tomboy? o_o "
Rhiannon: o3o
janellehatesyou: trying to appeal to her idea that PEOPLE MUST LEAVE WITH A STRONG IMPRESSION
janellehatesyou: after witnessing me with boys
janellehatesyou: and she was like
janellehatesyou: "WELL THAT'S BAD TOO >:| "
Rhiannon: ...oh.
Rhiannon: lol.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT, I think it's quite the attention-grabbing anecdote.

Wow, getting a physical for the first time since I was 12 is really hilariously awkward when my mom tags along to ask her own health questions (it's her doctor too) and handle college forms and shit. :x lolol! Yeah, I got the first Guardasil dose out of the blue... I like how my mom considers the possibility of rape more than the possibility of her daughter actually deciding to be sexually active. Without that she definitely would've been like "NO, NO NEED". Woooww. Denial much? Oh well brb mom, going to college and becoming a little dumb slut, kthxbai <3

These past few days have been really boring (April vacation). Especially when it's all nice and sunny outside so you want to go out and frolic. I think a painting party needs to happen, and I need to get some watercolors.

I am in this way too deep. WHY, even? This needs to fucking stop. Or I just need to do something (preferably not incredibly stupid?).
This could really turn out badly. I don't need the same shit all over again.

Wah wah fuck wah, k watevuhh.

I have so much shit to do. Whenever that happens, the stress just suffocates me and I end up doing nothing because I have no idea what order to put things in and uh... I generally have problems, if you couldn't tell.
Christ, I want to go back to junior year, still.
I haven't updated in so long... on that note, my birthday was about a month ago, I went to Rhi's house and she made me a cake and Adrien, Henry and Seth were there and we were cute. I'm legal now, oh fuck, not doing much for me.

So prom is at the Sheraton Tara in Braintree, my mom yelled about that of course (oh god some teens choose to drive themselves oh god going for 40 minutes on the highway greatly increases the chances of lethal accidents, OMG WHAT AN IRRESPONSIBLE SCHOOL), and suggested driving me there, and I utterly fucking refused... I would rather not go to prom at all.
But yeah, I am really not happy about prom anymore at all, after looking forward to it all year. I'm actually kind of dreading it. I would probably not go at all if it wasn't for having a dress already, and for fear of regret.
So let's turn my concerns into a categorized list so it doesn't create a headache-inducing paragraph, because I feel like exploding words right now, k:


Um I HAVE TO SET A DATE FOR MY GRAD PARTY TOO. I have a legitimate concern involving the fact that many of my friends smoke, and a lot of them will probably not want to stay for more than two to three hours tops thanks to nicotine withdrawals (for more information, see three paragraphs down :| ).

One of my old churchy friends commented on my wall the other day, and I didn't respond. Awkward. I cannot even see a reason for those times back in the day. Looking at me now, I'd have to say that other than Grahame (lol :c ), they haven't influenced my life in anyway whatsoever, except for maybe being much sadder for these naive, wimpy, brainwashed teenagers who love Jesus. Lolll oh god people.

I went to Accepted Students Day for AIB last Sunday. I talked to this senior who majors in graphic design, and he sounds like he's onto something big with interactive advertisement and internet kiosks. I recognized a couple of people from the AIB group on Facebook, because I'm a creep.

My mom got sooo fucking mad at me the other day and yelled at me for a long time because I have friends who smoke. I then proceeded to rattle off a list of my friends who smoke, because being livid makes people do smart things like that. She brought me to Rhi's house anyway (wtf uh yeah... oh and it's Rhi's mom who smokes, not her). Adrien smoked in the car (uh, I'm too nice to deny him that right) so I smelled like smoke (according to her? :| ) when I went back and she yelled at me so much again. Rofl. Long story, she's fuckin crazy, don't wanna get into it.
But yeah, Rhi and Adrien are cute, we ate sushi and things at Hong Kong City and went to the lake and adventured and saw an adorable 8-week-old bulldog puppy. Fun while it lasted.
I probably won't be able to hang out with anyone for a few weeks, because apparently going out every weekend is horrible for no reason? I'm missing out on spending some VERY needed, long overdue quality time with two people I love to death, thanks to that. Not to devalue Rhi and Adrien, but all that crazy shit wasn't worth it.

On a more positive note, Friday was the most fun night ever. I went back to BR at around 3:30 (decked out in black and white to celebrate the op art movement, it was pretty cute) for the Passport to the Arts festival (basically all of the art work of the school district, all ages, up on display in the cafeteria), and pretty much every cool person I love was there (see Facebook). Rhi and Adrien stopped by, Seth DJed, and Britty visited with her new qt pie. I didn't have to paint little kids' faces because the table was pretty much covered. I also saw my fifth grade teacher, Mrs. Sohegan, and I didn't know if it was really her so I was like "WTF GUYS I THINK THAT MIGHT BE MY 5TH GRADE TEACHER, WHAT A BITCH I HATED HER". Then she saw me creepin' and recognized me because she saw my art and remembered my name. She, Henry and I talked and she was really nice so then I felt bad. :x She's so much smaller than I remember (duh). Fuck, there were a bunch of elementary and middle school teachers there, mostly art teachers... they really aren't intimidating now that I'm ALL GROWN UP. I felt like I could crusshh most of them.

Maybe I should say something. But I don't even know enough. And it would fuck things up.

aahwahwahwahhh i have no short term memorryy oh fuck.

So I got a prom dress, umm, maybe. I'll probably return it when I find a better one. Honestly, where do people go to get prom dresses around here?
Then I went to Olive Garden, ooh. breadsticks. love them. want them more and more.

I went to henry's tonight to "do art". Yeah sure.
More like, downing cups of cheap wine that Kei got from her creepy new 24-year-old who loves his sister (?! wtf). Not being sober really brings peopel together.

henry has a loft in his studio with a matress on it, and i'm going to have sex on it when he's around and he won't notice. that's my new goal in life. we discussed this.

Then, um, I get to pick out my Lesley University residence hall. Oh sweeeet. I'm lucky.
Rofl, my mom was all "gr phawooar omg c-oed wtf". And they allow alcohol in the dorms for 21+. lulululz
I feel like college is so close now.

HEy wtf i need to talk to you.
lol douche.

So I just got into the Art Institute of Boston (my top choice).

Then realized that the second letter in the packet that my mom missed was to tell me that I got the Dean's Scholarship of $10,000 a year.
(Uhh, I hope I don't lose it.)

!! Anyway. Brb, crapping rainbows of happiness.

I am really exhausted. I look sickly lately, even though I don't feel that way (could be in my head). I do generally look really different when I'm tired (aka... any time at or after school). Oh fuck ittt.
I'm going to skip tomorrow. So much crap to do. In terms of work, this week sucks, and I'm fucking up for the term already.

If I don't get into AIB, I am really fucked. But I should... regardless of my shitty grades (yeah, they care about that), I got great portfolio reviews with three representatives.

I keep thinking about Adderall ever since Kostka was like "oh god don't ever resort to that stuff". Hahahah win.

Hey. Maybe I should lighten my hair. Yep. Not too much though, because we all know how classy very light hair + dark eyebrows is.

Corinne and I keep forgetting not to loudly come out with horribly inappropriate things right in front of my house. I wonder if my mom has heard any of it (uh, she says she's heard Corinne's laugh from her bedroom). AWWKKARRDD

I like how it's fair to assume that I'll be all GRR OMG GRR ANGRY AND BITTER on Valentine's Day. Nah, actually. First off, I don't think I have the capacity and energy to get myself intentionally upset over that kind of stuff. Second, why should I pick one arbitrary day to feel ESPECIALLY bitter, inferior and lonely, instead of letting them all stay silently blurred together? Which is more stable. :D rofl<3

About 3/4 of our sociology class made it as obvious as possible to Kostka that we plan on getting drunk and crazy after prom. Love it. He brought up the whole "alcohol --> sex you will regret" argument... but like I said, as long as there are no ugly guys around. Lololol. & Prom babies are bad, prom babies with ugly genes are worse :c
And no ugly girls around, either. Because you never know. I'd probably do that.

Mentioning that, I need to go out and get a prom dress
And a cute male face to bring to prom (I know, won't happen unless I pull someone off the streets and pay them, but shh :x )


Awesome, let's hope so. I could use some of that. Who couldn't?

Let's also hope I do something this weekend. I deserve it.

Ooof
So let's see, todaayy... yeah the school thing i go to
I got my matchmaker (lawl) and it is either people I don't know or people I can't stand, and that is hilarious
I also bought carnations for people and I think it will have a beautiful impact on people <3 YES
Justin and I created way too much sexual tension between ourselves over the axes in someone's math homework. Rofl, intense

Afterward, I easily convinced my mom out of nowhere (WHAT)to drive me down to Henry's cafe at around three. She also seemed to be in a good mood / really calm when she came by after work mistakingly thinking I wanted to go home, wtf. Jade and Celina were there for a while, and I went adventuring with them for Jade's job search in the area (we are the most awkward and creepy adventurers) for like half an hour. I had many, many coffee samples... yep, invigorating. RHIANNON AND ADRIEN AND HALEY showed up, along with Josh, Allison, Michele, and Kei. Goddamn how overwhelmingly fantastic.

I decided to go over to Allison's house with everyone except RhiAdrienHaley. We tried to watch Across the Universe, but nobody could focus because we were all drunk/buzzed/tired/weird. Got the whole "lawwlll omgg Janellleee I never thought I'd see this" thing while sampling from everyone's drinks the whole time (needed to go home at midnight :c ). Cute.
Ohmygod I love Allison and Michele (hey, cutest drunk in the world!) more than ever now. We should be bfflz.

Oops, I have a hugeeee bio project due... Monday? Tuesday? Nah, haven't started c:

WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAATTT
IT NEVER MAKES SENSE IT NEVER MAKES SENSE IT NEVER MAKES SENSE
OH GOD IT MAKES LESS SENSE ALL THE TIME
WHAT, WHY, HOW
OUCH. HEAD. MEET DESK. x1000

Okay, done being enthusiastic. c: <3

I was kind of sick on and off for a couple of days. Thursday night, I thought I was getting the flu... then I was fine in school. At home, I felt weird again until I napped. Today I felt nauseous for a little.  Wtf, what is wrong with me?

Oh, midterms. Funny, I got the second highest midterm grade in sociology yet probably a D+ for the term... my teacher is tormented and baffled by me.
I may get a C- in AP Art if I can suddenly pull a sketchbook and one bullshitted piece off for tomorrow.
Behold: literally the worst term of my life. I'm so fucked, IT'S REALLY FUNNY.
                Term 4      Midterm
AP Bio:        B-                A
Psych:         B+               A-
Sociology:  D+               A+  
Spanish:    A                  A-
AP Eng:      D                 A-
AP Art:      D-/C-             B+
....yyyeah, I regret like... the last four and a half months of my life, at the least. I get by on not thinking about that too deeply. :x

YEEEAAAHHHH<3
I PROBABLY WANNTT THAAATTT FOR PROOMM <3
It's not like... the absolute perfect dress of my wildest dreams, but afdsgdsfs ommgg.
And it's only $238!  I am probably never going to find something I like that much within my $300 price limit. Knowing me. :x

However, the mommy wants to bring me to stores first, and exhaust that option before using the internet. So, next weekend. As soon as possible. Because if I find nothing better in the stores and that dress goes out of stock, I will die.
From the combination of my horrible scrutinization of my disgusting self, pressure and nagging from my mom, an obscene range of choices, and useless harrassment from a strange tailor, I AM PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.
I'll be bringing Rhi, she's likely to delay/prevent that... it is her goal in life to come along anyway. & If something involves being fucking cute, it is highly important that we do it together.

Okay, I love this song.
And Venus Hum is pretty to sing with.

Hey. I got fooled. A lot. But that's my reality. And it's easier this way.

Apparently after I left Henry's the other day, his dad was like "omfg Henry why are you going after (oops secret so-and-so)! JANELLE'S GORGEOUS"
...uhhh AHAH, okaaayy then? :x

Yesterday Rhi came to my house for a surprise visit but I didn't answer the door because I thought she was a creepy neighbor or a Jehovah's witness or a salesperson LIKE IT ALWAYS IS and I only knew it was her afterward because she left a note. Creep.

FOR NEXT TIME, if any of you guys plan on surprising me, CALL ME LIKE AN HOUR IN ADVANCE, k? That would be splendid. So I can both look presentable and not think you're a serial killer or a God-fearing beast.

... also, I think Rhi may have possibly locked my screen door by accident. Which is never locked. Therefore leaving me stranded in the cold when I came home to an empty house this morning. I don't care that she denies it. >:| !!!


Oh... umm.
Ms. Paterna printed the entire psych midterm on very pink paper. By choice.
Pink is fun, but... I wanted to kill myself.